I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
