Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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