Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize