When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Randomize
