Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
