Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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