Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
