me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
