It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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