I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
