The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
