Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
