What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize