who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
