Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
ttyl tear gas
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
