I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
