I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
