i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
