you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
