Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
