Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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