TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
