so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize