Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize