Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
i now understand why vodka
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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