Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
