Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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