he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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