i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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