Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
love makes seman taste better
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
