I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
