Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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