is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Randomize
