were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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