So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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