His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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