I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
