I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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