Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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