Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
