Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
i think my cat just said my name.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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