around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
