I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
