my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
