I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
