i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
