eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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