A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
