I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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