I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
