I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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