walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
