Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
