Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
As shirtless as possible
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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