It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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