I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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