i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
