hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
