well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
