A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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