I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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