By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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