It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
pop tarts are not kleenex
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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