So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
