they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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