she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
