You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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