weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The cops high fived after they tackled you
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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