I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
