I just pynch a tree in the face
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
