help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
