Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
