He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize