my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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