You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
