nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
