They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
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