Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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