marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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